Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Think it's Gonna Be A Long Long Time Till Touchdown

Rocket Ma-a-a-an?

It takes me two days to respond to the debacle that was Jets football on Sunday. This is why I would never make a good Jets blogger for serious. I am just way too attached, and consumed by the trials and tribulations of this team. I celebrate wins for too long after they have ended, and analyze losses as if there is, or should be, a logical reason why the Jets can play with the best team in the AFC until the last play of the game, and lose to one of the worst teams on the last play of the game. I convince myself that the NFL is plotting against the Jets when they refuse to review a blown call that cost the Jets at least a shot at winning the game (apparently it was unreviewable, which is baffling, as well) instead of admitting that, officially, this team "is what we thought they were," to kill a phrase. They are "mediocre", "rebuilding", "young", "raw", "in-transition," "frustrating." Whatever catch-phrase you want to use, they are a below average team, which is going to win just enough games to miss out on the best of the draft's Running backs, pick a "promising" linemen or safety, who is a career disappointment, and next year we can begin the 6-10 or 7-9 process all over again. They are what they are: the Jets. And we can tie our hopes to whatever star we want: new coaching staff, new defensive scheme, new GM. But here's one thing that has remained consistent for this Jets team for as long as I have been alive: the guy who touches the ball most has always been average, inconsistent, and frustratingly prone to crippling series, quarters, games...oh, and inuries.

Here comes a jealousy tainted, bitter, "I-hate-the-Patriots" rant for you, folks: want to know why the Pats have been a contender for five years running, no matter who they release, or refuse to resign, or trade away? TOM BRADY. And not just because he is good (maybe even great) but because he is consistent, and, here's the occum's razor that never gets mentioned: he is always friggin' healthy. I am not rooting for the guy to get injured but seriously, why is it that Tom Brady never gets hit at an awkward angle, or ruptures a disc in his back having circus-act sex with Bridget Moynihan? Why can't it happen to THEM, just ONCE?! I don't care which national magazine wants to slight the best player in the NFL this century (because that's what he is) there is no denying that the guy does what no Jets quarterback has been able to do for my entire lifetime: win, stay out of his own way, Bang Bridget Moynihan and stay out of the friggin' OPERATING ROOM!! There has to be a reason why, for the past 5 years, Chad Pennington has been given the benefit of the doubt by every single coach, sportswriter, and player who has walked through the Jets locker room. Other than his good-old-boy, straight-shooter personality, I can't seem to find one. He has always had flashes of greatness, sure. But just as often he has thrown up logic-defying bumbling-out-of-the-gate starts like the one on Sunday. One of his interceptions honestly looked like it had to have been tipped at the line (BUT IT WASN'T!) It floated like a pass thrown between two kids in the parking lot during tailgates: high, arching, wobbly, and aimless. It landed in the Cleveland Cornerback's bread basket like a gift. Tom Brady could have thrown a better prayer with his toes. Unbelievable. But here is the thing. The Jets will keep tapping that well, and they will do it until we are "mathematically" eliminated from the Playoffs, and maybe even then, keep giving Chad the nod. News flash, people: WE ARE MATHEMATICALLY eliminated. It's new math: it's called deductive reasoning. And I am apparently the only Jets fan smart enough to apply this shit. Here is what I deduce: we have a good but young coaching staff; we have a young defense learning a new scheme that would give up 150 yards rushing to my grandmother on a cold day when here arthritis is acting up; we have no viable running back (look Leon Washington is a nice little kid, with a running back-sounding name, who might average 50 yards a game in the CFL or something, lets not get too excited about one good game against the Lions); we have decent but not great wide-receivers (when do we convert Justin Miller into a WR and let McCareins go?); and, here's the clincher, a TERRIBLY predictable QB. You know what's predictable about Chad? He is inconsistent to the point of sheer frustration, he has, and always will have, a Johnny Damon arm, and he is, and always will be INJURED!!! We know what we have with Pennington: a guy who is usually smart enough to win you 6 or 7 games, but never good enough to win you the games that he needs to, ie the Patriots game, the Colts game, the Browns game. And make no mistake: this was a must win. If the Jets were were going to be a playoff contender they were going to roll through this game, go into the bye week 5-3, and at least give New England a fight on the 11th. Now, you can chalk up three straight losses (yes, Houston will beat them) and all of those games should be great opportunities to see what we have in Kellen Clemens. But because the Jets aren't mathematically eliminated, you can expect to see Chad. Which means you can expect: 3 interceptions, 2 dropped snaps, and absolutely no rhythm against New England (at which point the Jets media coverage will just start to catch up to what the smart fans already know, and question if Chad is hurt and if there might be a better option on our bench) followed by a deceptively good outing (a lot of dump passes, that his recievers turn into big gains, thus padding his numbers, in a loss against Minnesota) and just when the media and fans are coming back to coddling everyones favorite southern blondie, we will get another Browns-type game against the Texans. And three weeks from now--three weeks after we would have been able to test our young QB against a good team, a decent team, and a bad team, three weeks of wasting our opportunity to find out if we need to draft another QB--the coup will finally begin en masse. By the time Clemens gets to take a snap the rest of the team will have quit in frustration, and the Jets will go into next year with a big question mark under center. Most likely to fill that hole? A ("finally healthy!!") Chad Pennington. Fucking gross. At the beginning of this year, I said I'd rather see a 1-15 team with signs of progress than a 6-10 team that storms out of the gate, only to slowly deteriorate throughout the season. Why would I have expected anything but the latter?!

Look Chad, I rooted for you when you took the reigns from Vinny. The thing is, you were young, you were promising, and you were an unknown, while Vinny was getting older, getting erratic, looking gimpy, and prone to single-handedly losing games with his random stinkers. Sound familiar? Well I rooted for a change then, and I am rooting for one now. In the last three years you haven't won a single game I didnt expect you to win, you have lost a few I never imagined you could, and through it all, I have NEVER ONCE felt fully comfortable with you behind Center, and over the past two years plus you have been obviously injured yet continued to stubbornly put yourself before the team. So go take up somebody else's cap room. Go be someone else's constant worry, someone else's injured enigma. It's time for Kellen Clemens to become our new whipping boy. Apparently we've worn out the hide on the one we've got now.

Just my Job Five Days a Week

I have gotten to the point at work where I wouldn't be surprised if I caught myself in the middle of handing in my two weeks one of these mornings. Basically, ever since my wedding, I have been slowly phased out of the sports aspect of my job, because there is "more important" stuff that they need the experienced researchers on, which is total BS, becasuse now they have some kid (who honestly doesn't know who the Eagles QB is) updating football and basketball, and I am working on MLB, College Sports, and Motor Sports (no joke) and have less and less of my day dedicated to it, and more and more of my day dedicated to cleaning up crap that other people have soiled. And as I am in mid-rant about this my wife calls and tells me she got a promotion. I guess I can't complain. Maybe I will become a house-dad for the dog...

The house is coming along swimmingly. The office is complete. This is huge. The biggest problems with my old apartment went as follows: we had a futon instead of a couch because our living room was long and narrow, and I had ZERO space to write. Now we have a leather couch and I have an office. I went with blue and brown as my colors. It has the library feel without that stodgy green and gold that most home offices boast. I'm pretty pumped about this...nice bookshelves, oak desk, etc...might need a new flat-panel TV. Maybe. Started painting the living room this weekend. Phone and internet are active, cable on Friday. Starting to feel human again.

Gonna be High as a Kite by Then

Lots of celebration planned for this weekend. I have kitchen contractors, and the cable dude coming on Friday, so it will be a three day weekend. Friday Brian gets in and we will be taking in some visual arts at one of the sundry art galleries or museums in Manhattan, before meeting up with Slaz and old friend Andy, in Brooklyn for some beers, and a party at John's loft. Saturday, I will probably catch some football at Park Tavern, and then go to Brian and Dana's engagement party at night. Recover on Sunday. At least with the Bye-week, I can rely on Pennington not to throw any interceptions. Unless he decides to go out and play a charity game with the disabled. In which case, it should only be one or two.


At 1:56 PM, Blogger jake said...


You have an absolute dream job.

I'd trade my left testicle to work in sports research.

I do not pity thee.


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